Entering the Parent Meeting – Prepare to be ‘Unoffended’

Every parent has hopes and dreams for his or her child. The parent has watched every step that has been taken. The pride a parent feels for this child is immeasurable. There is a deeper love for this child than ever felt by another. The parent is a natural protector.

Now, as an athletic director, you have a scheduled meeting with the “natural protector.”

Entering into a meeting with a parent can cause some angst. As an administrator, activities director or coach, you need to understand the parent viewpoint. At times, the parental reality may be skewed, but is very real to the parent.

Honestly, most administrators and coaches enter ready to defend. Instead of preparing for battle, athletic directors should prepare for the meeting with a focused mind. Plan for the realization that the parent wants to be heard. The athletic administrator’s job is to listen. It does not mean you will agree, but you will allow the parent to be heard. You are allowing the parent to matter and to use their protective instinct to be used for his or her child.

More times than not, while it is not about the coach or administrator, the parent may lash out at those involved. It is about their child. Parents may be frustrated with the system, the situation or the loss of control they once had when their child was a toddler. Parents no longer can “fix” situations for their child. At times, parents may be lost, may not understand, or possibly do not know the true facts.

The challenge for any administrator or coach is to enter the meeting prepared to be unoffended. What does that mean? It means realizing that if a meeting goes sour, it enables you to be at peace and maintain composure. It relieves stress and anxiety. Brant Hanson states the following in his book Unoffendable:

“Not only can we choose to be unoffended, we should choose that. We should forfeit the right to be offended. That means forfeiting the right to hold onto anger.”

Preparing to be unoffendable allows for a sense of peace. Instead of preparing for battle with defense and anger, prepare with humility and gratitude. Enter the meeting with a plan. Ask the parent what the issue has been. Listen. Take notes. Restate what the parent has said. This will keep the conversation calm. The next opportunity is for you to correct any misconceptions that were stated.

Keep in mind, it is about the situation and the student. Continue to discuss and state the plan moving forward.

Of course, the reality is not every parent meeting is smooth. The administrator or coaches should state the facts and correct the chain of events stated by the parent, if needed. Parents can get heated, be loud and unreasonable. Any name calling that occurs ends the meeting. Be firm and calm, and if it gets too heated, stand up to signal the ending and state the meeting is over. As the parent leaves, remind yourself, it is not about you.

Remember, as the athletic director, you entered the meeting prepared to be unoffended. So, let go of the drama and focus on the task at hand such as creating a solution, fulfilling the consequences needed for the student, and informing those who need to be informed. The anger should be released and should not consume those involved.

Administrators, activities directors and coaches work hard to meet the needs of everyone with whom they work. Staying calm and preparing in a calm manner relieves stress. It relieves anxiety and allows for peace. Not every meeting is as easy to leave unoffended. The key is to know your worth, understand it is not about you and realize the parental instinct. Every meeting should be focused on the student, the next plan of action and informing those involved. Schedule the parent meeting, prepare to be unoffended, have the meeting and then carry on with less anger and stress.