Developing Positive Relationships with Parents of Student-Athletes

When some people think about high school athletics, many would make the instant connection with student-athletes. This would be logical, since the athletic program should exist and operate in order to meet the needs of students.

But then you might also conclude that coaches and officials are also involved. Without these individuals, after all, it would be impossible to play organized, competitive games. There is one more group, however, that is associated and represents a vital part of the high school athletic experience, and they would be the parents of athletes.

The effort of developing a positive relationship with parents often starts for many athletic administrators with the time-honored preseason parents meetings. Sean Dowling, athletic director for the North Plainfield (New Jersey) Public Schools, starts his sessions with, “We are in a partnership to educate young people, both on and off the field. It involves reinforcing core values that you instill in your child through education-based athletics.”

Kris Painter, athletic director at Terre Haute (Indiana) North High School, also mentions that “Athletics is a three-way partnership between the student-athlete, parents and coaches. Each partner needs to understand and accept their role and be supportive of everyone in the program and not simply their student.”

In addition, Lisa Morelli, athletic director at Pickerington (Ohio) Central High School, adds that it is important to clearly establish what and how to communicate and work collaboratively with everyone involved with the athletic program. “I stress that parents should use the chain of command and ask questions or present concerns with their child’s coach. Of course, the initial step should always have the student-athlete approaching his or her coach. If there is no resolution, the student can then contact me.”

Taking a similar approach, Painter adds that her door is always open when a conversation is necessary as she also establishes a parameter with parents. “I will not discuss who made the team, or playing time,” Painter said.

In like fashion, Morelli will not discuss or draw comparisons with other players, or any decisions that a coach makes during a contest. And Dowling also points out that “Parents should never confront a coach immediately after a contest. This is clearly explained and is non-negotiable.”

Marty Tonjes, athletic director at Horizon High School in Thornton, Colorado, takes a slightly different and creative approach with parent meetings.

“While we do still have some in-person sessions, we have also hosted more virtual ones,” Tonjes said. “This gives parents a better opportunity to attend and participate. Also, the focus has been on more discussion instead of parents just sitting and receiving information, particularly dealing with the impact that they play within their child’s high school experience.”

In addition to preseason parent meetings, Doug Marchetti, director of athletics at Norwalk (Connecticut) High School, tries to be visible at as many athletic contests as possible.

“By saying hello and engaging briefly, I hope to develop a sense of trust and familiarity with me,” Marchetti said. “If a more pressing issue occurs, they might think of me as approachable and someone who legitimately cares about their child.” Beyond athletic contests, Marchetti also tries to attend “non-athletic events” to support students, be visible, and to further demonstrate a caring, trusting and open communication approach.

There should be no doubt that good, effective communication is essential to create positive relationships. Dowling estimates that 98 percent of the challenges that athletic administrators face stem from poor communication.

“It is essential to establish clear expectations, foster open dialogue, and emphasize proactive problem-solving,” Dowling said. “When this is done, we can create a more cohesive, collaborative and supportive environment that benefits our student-athletes.”

Expanding upon the need for great communication, Tonjes utilizes a weekly – usually Sunday evening – newsletter or updates on recent developments within the program. In addition, he encourages his coaches to also communicate weekly with their parents. “I suggest that they mention at least one positive thing about a student- athlete when emailing parents. This goes a long way in developing a good working relationship.”

Creativity and trying to use a variety of techniques is also useful and effective when trying to develop a positive relationship with parents. Marchetti continually adds new initiatives to meet the needs of his parents. “The most recent one was a Prospective College Athlete Seminar in which a panel of college coaches presented the process including academic qualifications, recruiting, possible scholarships, and everything else involved.”

In the same vein, Tonjes uses social media to highlight parents who volunteer and support his program.

“I’ll make sure that I take photos of parents working at the refreshment stand, or contributing in any other fashion, and post them on Instagram or Facebook,” Tonjes said. “In this way, we are sharing the positive aspects of our parents, and this may inspire others to get involved.”

Involvement by parents is also related to being a member and serving in some capacity in the booster club. In order to ensure that district policies and procedures are followed, Tonjes always reviews them with the officers. Additionally, “I provide guidance and oversight by attending their meetings and communicating with them weekly. Again, good communication is the key.”

Doug Marchetti noted that “I share our expectation that parents in the booster club represent the program and school, and this has to always be done in a positive manner within our stated mission.”

In addition to the approaches taken by athletic administrators to create positive relationships with parents, coaches also play a major role.

“Gone are the days when coaches could get away with ‘I don’t talk or deal with parents,’” Dowling said. “I constantly remind our coaches that parents are not the enemy, and I emphasize that they have to be clear, consistent and proactive communicating with their parents. When this is done, it helps to bring parents into better alignment with the mission and values of our program.”

“We spend time at every preseason coaches meeting explaining how to effectively communicate with parents and the need to develop a partnership,” Marchetti said. “If this is achieved, it makes having potentially difficult decisions and discussions much easier and more productive.”

All five athletic administrators stated that they continually look for more and better ways of working with their parents. As Morelli stated, “I am always networking and attending conference sessions to improve my knowledge and background. And I cannot stress enough that listening to athletes and their parents is critically important. Actively and attentively listening goes a long way in any relationship.”

In addition to participating in professional conferences, Painter added, “I contact neighboring athletic administrators who might be in the same boat as I am to get workable ideas. Also, I watch how our building and district-level administrators develop relationships with parents, and I’ve learned a great deal.”

While a few parents may sometimes be misguided or overly focused on their child, Dowling concluded, “We must always remember that we are in a partnership to educate and develop the offspring of our parents, and not just as a student-athlete, but as a person. It is an ongoing effort and successful education-based programs depend upon a positive relationship with parents.”

Dr. David Hoch is a former athletic director at two high schools in Baltimore County (Maryland) for 16 years. He has 24 years of experience coaching basketball, including 14 years on the collegiate level. Hoch, who has a doctorate in sports management from Temple (Pennsylvania) University, is past president of the Maryland State Athletic Directors Association, and he formerly was executive director of the Maryland State Coaches Association. He has had more than 800 articles published in professional magazines, as well as four textbook chapters. Dr. Hoch is the author of five books: Coaching within the Education-Based Athletics Concept; The Parents’ Guide to Education-Based Athletics; Leading an Education-Based Athletic Program; A Lifetime of Memories from Education-Based Athletics: Humorous, Inspirational and Occasionally Sad; and Refocusing on Education-Based Athletics – A Call to Action. Hoch is a member of the NFHS High School Today Publications Committee.