How to Rejuvenate a Coach after a Tough Parent Season

Sports seasons are long – even those seasons that are successful in the win category. No matter the result of the season, whether it is a championship or not, it takes a toll on a coach. Some years are harder than others. Most likely the determination of the “harder” years involves parent interactions.

Of course, there are times when a coach is not a good fit, does not have the same goals as the district or has his or her own agenda. This type of coach is not the focus, but rather a good education- based coach who had one tough parent or a group of parents.

Coaches with a championship season may have had the hardest “parent” season of their careers. Following are some steps an activities director can take to guide the coach to rejuvenation.

The No. 1 step is time. Give the coach time to reconnect with his or her family after a long season. Taking a break from the rat race is essential, which allows time for reflection. All coaches should be evaluating aspects of the season. Taking time for reflection is part of the coaching gig. Set up a time to meet to discuss the reflection of the season a few weeks after.

During the meeting with the coach, have a plan created and allow time to listen. This coach may be tired and still has not come out on the other side. Start off by listening to all of the issues that occurred with parents. Understand where the coach is and validate the feelings. Start talking about the things that went right and make a list of the good things. The athletic director should have some of these determined ahead of time to change the mood of the meeting.

During the meeting, discuss positive parents and athletes. Remind the coach that many parents do not say anything when they are satisfied. Once the athletic director has added positive points, the coach should be able to contribute to the positive moments. Try and encourage the coach with positives.

Fittingly, Helen Keller once said, “Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow.” Again, this is a meeting where the athletic director is validating the struggles and feelings of the coach. The goal is not to get a commitment for next year yet as the athletic director will reconvene in a month with the coach.

The activities director needs to work from the positive list that was created. The goal is to start exposing the coach to the positives, believing they are real. The coach needs to fall in love with it again, which happens when things are pure and basic. Find time to have small talk with the coach when athletes are having a pick-up game or open gym time. Of course, the coach is not to be monitoring it, but seeing kids doing something on their own because they love the game. There should be no parents around, just athletes.

At the second meeting with the coach, lay out the process for difficult parents. Describe how administration will follow protocol so that coaching is a supported career. Superintendents and principals can listen to the issues from parents, but it is not appropriate to show emotions. It is essential to hear both sides, especially from the coach. Something that can be said as:

“Thank you for reaching out. Have you talked to the coach? Have you talked to the activities director? That is your first place to start, with the coach. Once the chain of command has been contacted, hopefully a resolution can take place. After all of that, if you still have issues, please reach out again and I will look into it.”

Next, dictate how the preseason meeting will be handled. The preseason meeting will entail a detailed slide show of the chain of command for parents: Player to coach, parent to coach, parent to AD, parent to administration. Also, discussions about the coach on social media will not be allowed. Smearing of the coaches’ names affects coaches’ families and other members of the team.

Also, the difficult parent of the previous year will have an individual meeting that will be addressed and what the process will be going forward. Before the season, the “said” parent will be called into a meeting to discuss protocols. If the previous season entailed badgering and social media smearing of the coach, then all contact will go directly to the athletic director if there are concerns. Stiffer guidelines for this parent can be put into place.

The coaches should be advised to document everything that is said and any interactions that may have taken place. Essentially, this is journaling about the team and practice and parents. Each coach should keep all emails and texts, and follow up each phone call with an email stating what was discussed in the phone call to the parent. The activities director can offer a weekly meeting with the coach so parent details are not a surprise.

Once all of this is shared with the coach, and a plan is in place for the next season, then you begin to talk off-season. This process allows the coach to see that the district has his or her back. Encourage the coach to line up others to coach for the summer leagues. The coach may just need to do camps and open gyms, really to stay away from parent contact. This allows for the purity of the game and gets the coach excited for the upcoming season.

The reality is that some coaches may not reach the point of rejuvenation. They may have been affected, along with their family, too deeply. As an activities director, you need someone who is excited to be there. You need someone who is not dreading the season. All coaches need to reflect after each season and lay out the pros and cons. They need to look around them to see how everyone is affected.

Sometimes, coaches need permission to quit, and athletic directors need to be able to talk heart-to-heart and realize the coach’s heart is not in it. The activities director can guide this process and accept the reflection of the coach. There is an essence of not wanting the “parent” to win, but what did he or she win? The coach has family and peace knowing he or she was not in the wrong. Coaching comes in so many different avenues and this coach may find it again.